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Michael Musto | Longreads | February 2020 | 8 minutes (2,000 words)

Meryl Streep doesn't call me every week to go bowling. In fact, she doesn't call me at all. And that's a good thing. I honestly can't recommend becoming friends with celebrities, especially if you're a long running journalist like I am. It simply will not lead to a Hollywood ending.

As appealing as they are, celebrities are used to being the center of attention, so you'd have to subvert your ego and go into full-blown ass-kiss mode in order to even be vaguely tolerable to them. Stars live for the spotlight, and in many cases, it's all about them, even when they pretend it's about you. (And I like things to be about me, thank you.) What's more, as a journalist, I'd be blurring all sorts of lines and throwing away objectivity in order to snuggle up to my famous ?friends.? And they'd only be nice in return because I'm press ? and/or an ass kisser ? so they'd have to feign some kind of kinship while pretending that all of my hideously annoying quirks are absolutely adorable. Yes, they'd be good at acting the part, but it's so much better for both parties to just avoid this potential landmine and don't go there. Don't call me, Meryl! Don't even text!

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My first celebrity friend was the late Sylvia Miles, a twice-Oscar nominated actress (Midnight Cowboy; Farewell, My Lovely) whom I interviewed in the 1970s, admiring the fact that she'd made it big while preserving her originality and chutzpah. I ended up becoming Sylvia's escort to various nightclubs and events when I was in my early 20s and felt like I'd landed in a pot of glitter.

My first celebrity friend was the late Sylvia Miles, a twice-Oscar nominated actress, whom I interviewed in the 1970s, admiring the fact that she'd made it big while preserving her originality and chutzpah.